Bienvenue a Twilight (No association with the French)

Welcome! This was made by two American, blue-eyed, bombshell college girls, one loves it, one hates it. We are really phenomenal friends regardless, opposites do in fact attract. To be warned, to all you TwiHards out there in the world, this blog will tend to be less than favorable of the series, or maybe, think of it as the Swiss nation of the Twilight world (for those of you who don't know, that means neutral. Tell your teacher you learned something today). I decided to create this blog a few days after seeing New Moon due to an intense need to get my opinion out to "challenged" 13 year olds. I'll be fair, my opinions have been formed after reading all 4 books, some multiple times, and seeing both movies, (several times). In other words, I participate in the phenomena, and yet, I find I have a lot of important negative things to say, along with incredible praise for Taylor Lautner's abs.

And so...enjoy! Positive comments are always enjoyed, and negative ones are inevitable and shall be joyously laughed at.

X GK & AH

Rating System

So we all understand how dolphin flipping crazy some Twilight fans can be (bite my baby?. . . . are you serious? How does your husband feel about this?), and so AH and I have come up with a rating system for this site. At the top of each post we will place one of three ratings, Good, Bad, or Fugly. If your eyes are too senstive to read some aweomely harsh posts about your imaginary boyfriends and their coherts then please avert your eyes on posts marked Bad, and especially fugly. We try to keep it classy, but a lot of the time, we can't hold it in. AH's will tend to be more favorable, stick to that if you are a fan.

Good = Taylor Lautner's Abs, Robert Pattinson
Bad = Taylor Lautner's Age, Robert Pattinson's Abs
Fugly = K-Stew

Sunday, 22 November 2009

New Moon : Fugly

So as mentioned, the blog was born after seeing New Moon. While a far-cry from its predecessor, BadLight, New Moon was still fugalicious. I rated New Moon a 4/5 out of 10, while Twilight is definently around negative 7 (will definently be explained at some point). Soundtrack was better, the opening part with the moon was decent, budget increases = harmony, Taylor Lautner's additional 30 Lbs. was the next best thing since Brad Pitt in Thelma & Louise (a real movie, check it out), but the level of disaster was too strong. Too strong. Maybe a little smelly too. Here is why:

1. Robert Pattinson is naturally quite beautiful, not my taste at all, but symmetric, and . . . model-esque. Why in this film did I literally need to close my eyes from his grossness? That is a travesty.

2. Bella. Bella erased feminism. Why are you on the ground whimpering? Get on your feet woman and hold your head high! You are the heroine of one of the most popular, albiet messed up, stories of all time and people look up to you! Grow. a. pair.

3. Suicide. Death. Darkness. Emo music. Emo clothes. Emo lighting. Emo emo emo....elmo.

4. The rapist-pedophile-motorcycle scene. Why and how did she get out of that situation? Unrealistic and therefore tacky.

5. Seeing Edward when she does dangerous things. ? . . . . . . . odd.

6. Edward's abs. Gooey, never stand next to Taylor. Ever.

7. The Italian Vampires. Cheeseball and not in a good way. All Dracula figures should be delicate but, this was just a poor choice.

8-10. More Bella. She is the worst, most atrocious, most insulting, and offensive female character of all time. All time. She picks Edward over Jacob in the films, which really just makes her look like a suicidal and mentally challenged fruitcake, she doesn't dress herself well, she is cruel to her father, she is cruel to her friends, she abuses her relationships, she is deeply selffish, she wants to be dead, she wants to be a vampire, she wants to desert her family to one day have demon baby.

Although Taylor Lautner is phenomenal, it doesn't make the cut.

X GK


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2 comments:

  1. C22 November 2009 at 13:08

    Don't even get me started on how much I hate all things Twilight. Cause i could go on for hours quite literally. But let me just say Bella is the antithesis of feminism. Her single purpose in the final book becomes being a mother to the most fucked up baby after the most fucked up birth (and might I add not even original...see Anne Rice's Interview with a Vampire). But anyway what happened to autonomy? Where is her personal growth? I could go on and on, but basically from a feminist standpoint, Twilight is no good. It is a horrible model for young girls and I fear for them while simultaneously being embarrassed on behalf of my gender. It was a mistake that this book was ever released to the general public.

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  2. Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn22 November 2009 at 13:11

    Ahmen C! Couldn't have said it better myself.

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